So, I've been running....and one thing you should know about me is that I h a t e running. Okay, scratch that....I hate-d running. Till recently.
One day John and I were running and at the end of our run I started my usual monologues about "so-and-so" and how fast she is, and how good she is at running, and how she loves it so much so that's why she's so good at it, and he says something that was so profound and completely simple, "well, of course you're going to love anything you're good at."
well, that kind of blindsided me.
Then this morning I was running and I was thinking, "wow, this isn't as hard as it usually is, why is that?" and I realized I was on the run for the sake of running. Not for the sake of running 30 minutes, or 3 miles, or 3 miles in 30 minutes, or because I have to so I won't die when I run the homecoming race, etc.
These two thoughts have since really affected the way I think about my faith.
1. We love doing things we feel like we're good at.
So here's the amazing part. I don't feel very good at being a mom, or a wife, or even a Christian lots of days. I feel like I'm kind of grumpy, selfish, easily angered, etc. And as long as I'm focusing on those things....I kind of hate the burden of going what's right. It's too hard for me cause I feel like I can't do it.
But when I realize that God sees me as being "good" at it already, not cause of what I do or don't do on a daily basis, but because of what Jesus did, it helps me realize those moment to moment successes or failures don't matter. It doesn't bring me closer to God, or separate me from him, I'm already "good" at this not cause of anything I could ever DO but because of a savior that perfectly obeyed and won that righteousness for me.
Keeping my eyes fixed on this and not my failures makes obeying not a burden, but a joy.
2. As long as I'm keeping score, I'm going to be focusing on the failure, or the success and not delighting in the act.
If my eyes are fixed on "three screw-ups so far, five good deeds" I'll never be free enough to delight in the journey, the process, the identity that is secured for me. And half the time, I'll be so trapped by the numbers, quantities and measures floating around on my mental scoreboard that I won't even remember the crucial fact that I am loved loved loved, and accepted, right now, for who I am right now, and who I'll be in ten minutes when I do something less spiritual and more stupid than write this blog about Jesus.
In all of this, I've come to love and treasure the words of this hymn:
"Blessed Assurance, Jesus is mine,
Oh what a foretaste of glory divine.
Heir of salvation, purchase of God,
Born of his Spirit, washed in his blood."
