Sunday, May 13, 2007

"I can Guarandamntee it"

Guar-an-damn-tee [gar-uhn-dam-tee] noun
1. a promise or assurance, with profanity added to emphasize seriousness

-Okay, store that one in your brains cause I've got a great story for me you'll need it later.
First let me tell you about my perfect mother's day weekend.
Yesterday morning, John paid for me to go to breakfast with my friends and then we went shopping. I didn't have any money to spend--but that's never stopped me from fun.
After that, the Schmitty 3 went to the park and got a pizza and then played on the fun! It became affectionately referred to as "pizzaindehperk"-an all one word combo said with a canadian acccent for fun.
Here is a pic for your viewing pleasure--note: pizza goodness all over our little ceasar schmitty's face.

After that we went to the drive-in (and as a mother's day bonus Linc slept in the back seat) I ate cheese fries (YUM!) and we saw "Next" with Nicholas Cage (which was an unfortunate drawback to the night....I'm sorry I just can't take him seriously, but it was worth the comedic value of seeing him dodge a bullet a la Keanu Reeves).
Today, I got two cards, one from Linc and one from John and saw a beautiful vase of flowers cut from my garden on the kitchen table.
John offered to make breakfast, but I saved him (me and our smoke detector) the trouble and cooked. Then I got a shower and got ready for church UNinterrupted.....nice.
At church they gave us mamas a rose (awww) and then we came home.
Here is a special family pic:

So then we biked to the park and took a picnic lunch...yay! More photos (and trust me I'm getting to the best part)

So then we went for a nice long bike ride (down to get ice cream....I have to balance things out here) and along the way we got another Mother's Day bonus....mama geese with their little baby geese. So sweet. It was God's mama's day gift to many women I'm sure.

Okay here we go,
we get to DQ and there is a large parking space reserved for bikes in the middle of the other normal parking spaces. We park the bike trailer in the space and John's bike was leaning against mine. Right next to the bike parking was a b-e-a-utiful shiny red convertible with the top down (if you're really concerned about getting your car scratched....don't park next to the bike parking). We get in line and this grumpy fat man comes up to us and says "If one of those bikes falls on my car-we're going to have a big problem I can guarandamntee it".
A few things of note:
1.) this is not actually a word...please don't perpetuate the mockery of the english language by ever repeating it
2.) I do not condone swearing...but how could I leave this out?
3.) our bikes were far enough away that even if the bikes fell and then the wizard of oz tornado came ripping through...his precious red tin can still would not have been hurt by them.
Here's the best part....
I go move the bikes all the while stewing and steaming about the way this mean man came up to us and confronted us like that (he could have politely asked up to scootch--also a made up word, but much friendlier--our bikes over). I'm muttering under my breath, just wishing I didn't have to be on good behavior and I could let him have it. I'm even praying "God help me to love this man like you do so I don't tell him to get over himself like I want to". I get back in line and all of the sudden about a million tiny little leaves dump from the trees (everyone in line was turning their heads and pointing) and it starts dumping rain all over his pretty convertible interior.
I WISH you all could've been there. I mean I couldn't have planned it better if I was Carrie from that Stephen King movie.
This guy was scrambling to get the top up like I've never seen.
I know I know, we're not really supposed to rejoice in another person's troubles...but oh sweet Georgia brown....
I was so happy I wanted to skip (horrible...but true).
I'll tell you this much...that guy is going to have a happy old time cleaning all those wet little sticky leaves off the inside of his nice leather interior....
I assure you...better yet--I guarandamntee it!

1 comment:

Ben & Melissa said...

You're such a great storyteller! I had a good laugh about that guy (maybe that's wrong of me...but I did). I'm glad to see a couple of new posts here--I love keeping up with you. Looking forward to seeing you soon, friend!