Friday, May 23, 2008

Just kill your internet.

Here's the typical scenario:
Kid gets fever, fever spikes at 104, mom and dad freak out. Mom gets on internet visiting websites such as webmd, and other paranoid parent chat rooms at a not only unreasonable and irrational but what some would describe as unholy hour of the night. Mom goes to bed an hour later with no useful information on fevers but having gained an unfounded prognosis that her child has meningitis and needs a spinal tap and a brand new fear of illegal border hopping pimps.
How many times has this happened to you?
Okay, maybe none, but I can honestly say it's something my poor husband is all-too familiar with. The internet (like war) needs a song asking the very pertinent question "what is it good for?".
Obviously it has it's acceptable purposes, such as watching episodes of LOST that we missed from last week and seeing just how chubby and drunk all my friends from high school have gotten (I know, I have also achieved a new level of poundage, but with no debauchery of strong drink to attribute it to). But the majority of my pursuits on the internet either result in me idling away my very valuable time recklessly just to carefully pick out which "flair" to post on my facebook page, spending way too much (or wishing I could spend way too much) money on things I didn't need an hour ago or (as is referenced in said above scenario) getting inaccurate and terrifying information from websites I for some reason deem reliable such as "wikipedia" (which is in no way shape or form to be qualified as credible).
Luckily for me, God has given me a husband that can rationally and calmly make the statement, "honey, I think this is one of those rare illnesses we're not supposed to try and diagnose" to bring me back down to planet earth. In the future, will someone please remind me at 2:00 in the morning, not to "google" something as vague as "fever" and "possible illnesses" until the next morning?

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